


A (Figurative) Bloodbath

by IamSpider8itch



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Bathrooms, Bathtubs, Bubble Bath, Gender-neutral Reader, I don't write often, I have never written Deadpool before so, No body/genital descriptions because I have no clue how you look/want to look, Nudity, Only because you're bathing tho, Other, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, bathbombs, before I forget, blood mention, entirely self-indulgent are you even shitting me, idk - Freeform, it's a Deadpool fic you should expect this, sex mention, technically? do bathbombs count?, yeah sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8389558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamSpider8itch/pseuds/IamSpider8itch
Summary: A mass of fluff between stressed out reader and boyfriend Wade involving such topics as bathbombs, relaxing music, a present, a misunderstanding, and a splash fight. I do hope you'll enjoy!





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a thing I wrote in the notes section of my phone over the course of like 3 days. I really just wanted fluffy stuff with Wade and a significant other who cares about him a lot because this precious man has been fucked over ten ways to hell and deserves none of it. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm usually an artist, not a writer, so this should be interesting! Hope you like it tho, and feel free to post a comment/give feedback telling me what you think!

It had been a long day. A long, boring, stressful day, and all you wanted was to get back to your shitty little two-bedroom apartment and take a hot bath. You sighed, reaching into your bag and producing the keys, fumbling to get them into the lock and get inside.

The fact of the matter was, the probability of you actually getting that long, relaxing bath was slim at best. Your boyfriend Wade was either already home or on his way, and while you loved him dearly, there was no denying that evenings spent with the so-called "Merc with a Mouth" were anything but relaxing. One might even go so far as to say that they were the exact opposite, considering they mostly consisted of you helping to tend to whatever countless wounds he sported while he recounted whatever job had caused them, having your evening meal (usually take-out) filled with inane banter and stories of your own day at work, watching whatever show or movie interested you on Netflix, culminating in mind-blowing sex and cuddling. You usually didn't mind the routine, but goddamn, you would like, at least this once, to be able to get more than just a quick post-sex shower and tooth-brushing before bed. You shook your head and returned to jiggling your keys in the shitty lock, cursing your cheapskate landlord for the sloppy maintenance work.

You sighed, finally flinging open the door and kicking off your shoes, wondering why you even bothered leaving yours on the mat; Wade sure as hell never did. You had to refrain from letting out an irritated groan as the thought crossed your mind; you loved Wade eternally, but fuck knows you hated having to clean the mess his mud- and blood-caked boots left on your hardwood floors. You shook your head, noting the lack of said mess, but still electing to belt out a teasing, "Oh Waaaade, I'm home!" a la Ricky Ricardo, before proceeding to the living room couch, dropping your bag onto the cushions and digging your phone from the pocket which housed it.

Rousing the touch screen from sleep mode, your eyes landed on a single message from your loving boyfriend, timestamped fifteen minutes ago. You grinned in spite of yourself at the last few words displayed in the preview, unlocking the device and reading over it once, twice, three more times before letting out a joyous guffaw.

_Loverboy (Wade) <3333_: hey sweetcheeks! kinda tough job this time. probably gonna be a little later than usual tonight. don't start dinner without me tho, kay?

 

* * *

 

 

An hour and a half later, freshly showered and standing before a tub of comfortably hot water, you grinned, looking down at the hexagonal box you clutched in one hand. The internet-famous Hexbomb. A wickedly cool bathbomb that changed the colour of your bath water to a variety of ghoulish colours depending on which one you chose. Finally, you'd have some free time to test one of these suckers out and see if the uproar was all it was cut out to be.

Without a second thought, you set the bathbomb down on the edge of the tub, stepping in and settling down into the water while being careful to keep your hands dry. Grinning, you opened the box and dropped the large, powdery red tablet into the bath between your knees and leaned back to watch the show.

It was faster than you thought it would be, but no less entertaining. As soon as it hit the water, smoke-like clouds of red colouring rose to the surface, billowing out as the Hexbomb dissolved. The colour itself was almost disturbing; a dark, bloody red that reminded you of all the times you'd run water over a still-bleeding wound, and by association, Wade.

Shaking off the thought with a sigh, you slowly began to circulate your arms underwater, spreading the colour. Out of curiosity you raised your arm out of the water, relieved by the lack of red stains on the skin, knowing all too well that Wade would never let you live it down if he came home and found you as red as a sunburned cherry.

Reaching over the side of the tub, you grabbed for the remote to the speaker dock you'd set on the counter, hitting play and closing your eyes as your chillstep playlist filled the bathroom. You lost yourself to the music and gentle sloshing of the water, feeling every bit of tension and every knot in your back from work slip away. It was supremely relaxing, and you soon caught yourself teetering on the edge of sleep. The temptation to nod off was immense but you shook yourself awake each time, shifting in the bath and stifling a yawn. It was no use; the comforting warmth of the water and relaxing noise of the music and water echoing off the bathroom walls were practically a sedative. Before you could catch yourself, you had drifted into a relaxed, quiet slumber.

 

* * *

 

Wade had lied. The job was one of the easiest he'd ever gotten, but the pay was handsome and he gladly relished in the opportunity to spend some time grabbing something for you, just because he wanted to. He grinned, slipping through the unlocked window in the spare bedroom - his personal entrance and makeshift arsenal/emergency room on numerous occasions - the huge bag from your favourite candy store swinging loosely from his hand as he strode into the living room, calling your name in a sing-song tone.

To his surprise, you were absent from your favourite spot on the end of the shitty old couch, and further inspection showed you weren't in either the kitchen or main bedroom. He grinned. Bathroom.

He stopped just outside the door, bag still in hand, the faint and slightly haunting sound of chillstep drifting through the gaps between door and frame. Without bothering to knock, he turned the handle and skipped inside, a cheerful, "Heya babycakes, I'm home!" falling from his lips as he stretched his arms wide and grinned magnificently behind the mask. Of course his greeting received no answer, a fact which slowly dawned on him as he opened his eyes and looked down, arms falling to his side as he took in the gristly scene in the bathtub.

You; naked, resting in a tub full of what looked like blood and water, pale and unresponsive. Without a second thought he dropped the bag, screaming your name in panic and rushing to the side of the bath. A thousand panicked thoughts filled his mind, Yellow and White both silent for once as only Wade's inner voice screamed out. _Oh no no no no, this was not happening. You couldn't be, you weren't, you_ \- "WADE!"

He had grabbed you and was holding you close, murmuring "No no no no no..." endlessly, but at your shout he finally stopped, slowly pulling back to find you very much alive and very much perturbed by his behaviour. "You're... alive?" he questioned, watching with wide eyes as you nodded vigorously. "Of course I am Wade, what are yo - oh. The water."

He nodded. "Yeah, the water. What the fuck even is this stuff, babe? Is it even safe for you to be sitting in?"

You grinned, running a hand through your still-damp hair. "Yeah, it's safe. I used a bathbomb is all." He looked a bit confused, so you elaborated. "Bathbombs are these huge tablet things that turn the bath water different colours and make them smell nice. The one I was using was red so," you explained, gesturing to the water as if providing an example. "Ah," he murmured, his ever-animated face settling into a thoughtful expression. He suddenly looked up and grinned, "So, can I join you?"

You laughed at his rapid-fire change in mood and nodded slightly, looking down and sloshing a hand through the bath water. "Actually it's gotten pretty cold; I must've fallen asleep a while ago. So, better idea: I start a new bath and you join me in that." He nodded, helping you out of the bath and wolf whistling when you bent over to drain the tub. Snorting and snapping him across the thighs with your towel, you turned the water on, crossing over to the cabinet under the sink and pulling out a large, shimmery ball of rainbow pastels covered in a thin layer cellophane. Perfect.

"Wanna use this one?" you question, turning to see him removing his weapons and boots. He unclipped his belt and turned to you. "Is that one of those bath bomb things? How many of those do you have?" You grin, "I'll take that as a yes. As for your questions, yes it is and honestly I have no clue, so probably a lot. I never get a chance to use them so they just sit in the cabinet." He finished undressing, walking up and wrapping his arms around you from behind. "You are so fucking sexy."

You rolled your eyes. He probably wasn't listening, and judging from what you felt in your lower back, his mind was clearly elsewhere. Tilting your head back and pecking him on the lips with a quick, "Back a'cha baby boy," you slipped out of his arms. You turned off the water, getting in and motioning him over to the tub. He slid in opposite you, pulling your legs over his and grinning, "Well?"

You grabbed the bathbomb from the side of the tub - electing to pause the music since your hands were still relatively dry - and unwrapped it before turning back to Wade. Holding it over the minimal space between your spread and intertwined legs you dropped it in the water, watching as a puff of pale, shimmery rainbow-coloured dust rose from its resting place at the bottom of the bath.

Wade approved it seemed, as he let out a drawn-out, "Ooooh!" You watched as he chattered animatedly about how cool it looked as it dissolved and how, "the person who came up with these must have a damn fortune!" A grin spread across your face as he began to swirl his hands in the water, spreading the colour and glitter, silently noting the rubber ducks that seemed to have appeared almost magically in the water.

Almost subconsciously you leaned forward, closing the distance between you two and locking lips. It was a familiar and sentimental kind of kiss, one you didn't share often. As you both pulled away, a soft "I love you," murmured against each other's lips, you noticed something in your peripherals. A paper bag lain on its side, most likely dropped and forgotten in Wade's hurry to reach you; you questioned him about it and were answered with a doofy grin.

"I wasn't actually on a tough job; honestly it wasn't shit compared to the usual stuff. Just wanted to swing by your fave candy place and grab ya something. Be a good boyfriend for once, ya know?" He shrugged carelessly, grabbing a duck and squeezing it at you, the rapid squeaking really doing nothing on his behalf except making you crack up. "Thanks, but you already are a good boyfriend you fucking goof," you laughed, splashing him. He snickered and returned the splash and moments later the two of you were caught in a splash fight, giggling like a pair of five-year-olds as you pushed pastel-tinted water in each other's faces.

 

* * *

 

Somewhere around two hours later, your shared bath had ended and after cleaning up all the water you'd sprayed across the bathroom walls and tile, getting changed - Wade electing to walk through the house naked for about 15 minutes thanks to his lack of clean clothes and dirty, shredded suit, which left you wondering just how easy the job had been if his suit still ended up in tatters - having dinner (a shit ton of delivery pizza), and some heavy makeouts, you'd finally settled down on your shitty couch for your usual Netflix marathon. Flipping through the available shows onscreen, you smiled and snuggled closer to Wade. Nights with the Merc with a Mouth weren't relaxing by any means, but you sure as hell weren't complaining.


End file.
